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This is our WIP guide to navigating motherhood and sex, collated with hundred of moms from our community and other mother networks that we have worked with over the years. Find expert advice, pleasure tips, conversation starters, activities, and real opinions... all designed to break taboos around a mother’s sexuality!
A mother's libido, or sexual desire, can be affected by many factors related to the physical and emotional changes that occur during pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum.
During pregnancy, increased blood flow to the pelvic area can cause increased sensitivity and sexual desire. However, many vulva owners also experience fatigue, morning sickness, and other discomforts that can make them less interested in sexual activity.
After childbirth, hormonal fluctuations, physical recovery from delivery, and the demands of caring for a new baby can all contribute to a decrease in libido. In addition, emotional factors such as stress, anxiety, and depression can also affect sexual desire.
All these changes in libido are normal, and it may take time for sexual desire to return to pre-mom levels. It is also important for mothers to communicate with their partners about their feelings and not feel guilty or ashamed if they are not interested in sexual activity.
For those that breastfeed, it is also important to note that this can also affect libido, as the hormone oxytocin, which is released during breastfeeding, can decrease sexual desire.
Want to reignite your flame? Using our sensual imagination stimulates our emotional want for sex, aka our desire or libido. Erotic content can help awaken the sexual senses and help with arousal. Arousal is the body’s physiological changes, such as vaginal lubrication, erect nipples, and engorged clitoris, in reaction to sexual stimuli.
Reconnecting with our erotic imagination through recognizing and giving space for our sexual fantasies is a great way to look after our sexual well-being during motherhood from the inside out. If you’re not ready to get physical yet, this is a great way to keep the sexual side of you awake - sex isn’t all about touch; our mind and other senses play a big role in our pleasure experiences.
The sensuality of erotica has never been more so available than it is today. We can easily access things to own our sexy imagination and embrace an erotic side to fire up desire.
A lullaby for baby and a bedtime story for you. Once the kids have been put to bed, sit back and relax while you let some audio erotica take you to places you have never been before.
Subscribe to sex-positive podcasts for a little regular mindfulness, and listen to them with your earphones in during stroller walks or during nap times.
Tired of reading ‘once upon a time...’? Spice up your reading list with short sex stories online to scroll through on your phone during those moments of downtime.
It’s time to be your most raw self! Don’t judge your thoughts. Simply let go. Get your creative juices flowing and scribble down your own fantasies; what have you always wanted to try to do or missed doing? You could even share these with your partner.
Want to know where to find some erotic inspiration? Find some here.
"I learned to really enjoy masturbation."
Masturbation as a new mom is a personal choice and can be a safe and healthy way to explore and understand one's own body. Some new mothers may find that masturbation is helpful in reducing stress and tension and can also be a way to reconnect with their body after childbirth.
It is important to note that the vaginal area may be sensitive after childbirth, so it's important to be gentle with yourself and take things slowly. It may take some time for the area to fully heal before you feel comfortable with certain stimulation, such as penetration.
What’s the best way to masturbate for new moms?
Masturbation, self-pleasure, solo sex – whatever we call it, has a lot of benefits. Stress relief, connecting with our bodies, and release of feel-good hormones. And also time-saving! Orgasms via masturbation are 56% faster than partnered ones, and although orgasms are not the be-all and end-all of pleasure, it’s definitely a good place to start for tired and busy moms who want to reconnect. The reason it’s more time efficient? Probably the same reason why we’re likely to climax more by ourselves than with a partner… external stimulation!
Resuming partnered sex after childbirth or at the beginning of motherhood can be a sensitive and complex topic for many couples. The dynamics of our relationships are impacted when we become mothers, whether it is a first child or not. No matter the family configuration, it is affected by the arrival of a new being. This little ecosystem must take the time to find its new balance. Ignoring these realities and trying to go back to a pre-baby sex life as partners can be counterproductive.
Here are a few things to consider:
'Not after the 'magical' six weeks. No way did I want to be touched... I felt a silent pressure; I should be ready. I feel like we grow up thinking by this six-week mark, we'll feel healed, physically and mentally...' Mom from Mamamade.
Respect your body and rhythm. Focus on pleasant practices to build desire together, like sharing intimate moments of cuddling or building to mutual masturbation.
For those with penetration worries, go back to rethinking what sex looks like for you both. If your partner has a penis, they love using their fingers or reaching for penetrative toys - remind them that intercourse is not the only way to find sexual pleasure.
It's important to remember that every vulva owner's experience is different, and there is no "normal" timeline for when you should feel ready for sexual activity, especially after childbirth. It's important to take the time you need to feel comfortable and confident in your body and your relationship before resuming sexual activity with a partner.
No more keeping mom! Mothers are sexual beings, and it’s about time the world got more comfortable talking about it. The more discussions about motherhood and sexuality that we have, the more information is made accessible and available to share.
"I didn't feel empowered by being pregnant or giving birth, or breastfeeding. But maybe we need to adjust expectations so we are not setting women up to feel like they've failed. Then maybe they can feel empowered to know when they are ready and feel good as hell doing it."
Try these mom and sex conversation starters to open the conversation with health experts, friends, partners, or other moms!
We’ve collaborated with baby food brand Mamamade to bring our communities together to understand what feelings or thoughts arise when it comes to motherhood and sexuality.
A mom’s tips for rediscovering your sexual self during motherhood.
As we create vibrators for women, we want to deliver the best experience possible and be mindful about the variety of women’s sexuality, and its different stages. That’s why we work with sexologists to make educated decisions, but also to bring you useful and reliable content about sex.