It is that little burning sensation, that tightness, or sometimes that pain we feel during sex. And it actually occurs to more than 50% of women throughout the world*. So, no need to call Dr House, there is nothing wrong with you. Sexologists we have worked with even agree to say that most of the time, pain during sex is totally normal in the sexual life of a woman.
A normal part of sex but that doesn’t mean we can’t deal with it! If you thought that feeling discomfort or pain during sex was yet another of the many burdens a woman has to carry for life -and you’d be part of a majority of women*, read on, we have explanations AND solutions!
First, why do we feel discomfort or pain during sex?
Most of the time, discomfort or pain comes from one fact: the vagina is not moist enough. Lubrication is a natural phenomenon that prepares the vagina for penetration, and when this process is not working properly, the penetration movement rubs on the dry mucus, and that will cause itchiness or pain.
So why would your body NOT do its job? Two kind of causes: physiological and psychologic/environmental.
For the physiological causes, these can be a hormonal unbalance, irritations or infections. If you feel that these might be the causes, you should absolutely talk to your gynecologist. Common infections like yeast infection can be very rapidly settled with medication, but it is always good to check with your doctor.
The main psychological and environmental causes that shined through our research are**:
– Hormones imbalance
– Lack of foreplay
The usual suspects. So, here it is: having trouble to lubricate is in most cases a very normal thing, just as not being hungry when we are stressed or having a dry skin when we don’t hydrate enough. Good news for those who thought their body was not “normal”.
Cheer up, the help is here.
If you feel that this is your case, it means your body is just asking for a little help, and the help is here: foreplay and intimate lubricants.
Foreplay is THE basis for smooth (and fun!) sex. It is the moment where our body gets prepared to the penetration, but also the moment our mind relaxes, where endorphins start to be released as well as positive emotions. We are getting into the mood. By stimulating erogenous zones, your vagina will know what is going-on and will start lubricating. The magic of the body!
And actually, intimate lubes are a great way to make foreplays more fun (hint: using fingers, yours or your partner’s), and will add extra glide if your vagina is having a lazy day.
If you ask us what we love most about lubricants, it is that they make us feel more confident and relaxed, which actually helps the body to lubricate more efficiently. Beautiful virtuous circle!
Lubricants, if well chosen, are here to support us when we need that extra glide in bed. They can be used anytime, for all occasions, be it for a penetration or for fun foreplay (and yes, you can find edible lubes!). They are the perfect accessory for your bedside table, to be used alone or with a partner.
So, how to best choose your intimate lubricant?
Our vagina is very sensitive (it is actually the most sensitive skin on the entire body, face included!), so when choosing a lube, choose wisely and carefully.
Look-out for products without these elements: paraben, perfume, silicon. These 3 ingredients are widely used in intimate lubricants, but they are also harmful for the vagina: paraben is suspected to be an endocrine disruptor, perfume can cause irritations and silicon can contribute to the expansion of bacteria and STDs in the vagina’s mucus -without mentioning the fact that it leaves residues inside your body.
The safest products are the ones without paraben and perfume, as well as water-based instead of silicon or oil based.
The majority of women we have talked to about lubricants said they did not dare to buy and use one, especially in front of their male partner.
So we also talked to men asking them what they thought about it. The good news is they are completely fine when their female partner uses a lube because… lube actually makes sex much smoother and comfortable for them too!
So no more hesitations, take that lube and get the prepping you need for sexy time.
Upgrade your sex life: read more sex tips for women on our blog!