How To Have An Orgasm

A sexologist's tips to find your own way to orgasm!

A sexologist's tips to find your own way to orgasm!

Many women report that having an orgasm is not that easy for them. This is actually quite normal… Women are not “built” to have orgasms as easily as men: unlike ejaculation, the female orgasm is not necessary to conceive – even if it can help!

But still, many women think they is something wrong with them because they do not come climax every time they have sex. Porn and erotic media play a big part in this false belief, showing women always ready, always aroused, and always reaching a climax. This is a very inaccurate image: in fact, woman’s orgasm is far from being automatic. For most women, how to have an orgasm must be learned.

All right. But how do you learn how to have an orgasm?

Find your way to have an orgasm by yourself

Big part of the secret is to learn to know yourself. For that, take the time to touch yourself, and discover what kind of caresses you like: strong, rapid, soft, vigorous, …

How to have an orgasm by yourself

Here are some playing rules to follow for an optimal experience of self-love:

  • Be present to yourself: turn off your phone, turn off the lights. You can even blindfold yourself to be completely mindful of the physical senses. This exercise works only if you are present in the moment, focusing on sensations. The less you are distracted, the better it will be.
  • Set a timer for, let’s say, 10 minutes: this will help you forget about the goal of reaching climax. The objective, in the first place, is not to have an orgasm. When the timer is over, you stop, even if you have not reached an orgasm. Your mind must be only focused on the strokes and touches that you are giving yourself. This is the best way to determine what you like and you don’t, so that it will be easier for you to have an orgasm in the future.
  • Step by step, you will identify the touches and caresses that turn you on. After a while, as you become more and more present to your sensations, let the orgasm gently roll over you. And let go if it doesn’t. Pleasure is always good, even without climax.

How to have an orgasm is a question to which we all have our personal answer, and we cannot find it if we never take the time to search for it!

Explore with your partner roads to the Big O

How to have an orgasm with your partner

This time, big part of the secret is … communication.

Now that you know yourself and what you like, tell your partner. This is the best way to improve the quality of your intercourse.

  • Use several ways of communication: talking about sex is not always easy. If you cannot find the words, use your hand to guide theirs.
  • Speak positively: instead of “not like that”, “not there”, “less strong”, say “I prefer this way”, “there, it’s so good”, “when it’s soft like that, it turns me on”… It will avoid making them feel incompetent, and experience together a positive moment.
  • Give yourself a hand: most women (70%) need external stimulation to reach climax. According to the latest findings about the clitoris, this is entirely understandable given the anatomy of the female genitalia. So, feel free to touch yourself during sex, or ask your partner to do so.
  • Don’t get distracted by discomfort or even pain. Lube is your best ally and there are more ways than one to use it!

It is by liberating yourself from the pressure to have an orgasm and by taking time with yourself and with your partner that you can learn your own personal way to the big O!

 

Written by Charlotte Creplet, sex therapist at Sexocorner