Often presented as automatic and easy to reach, male pleasure is not so basic as it is said. Here are some beliefs about men and sex, challenged by a sex therapist.
A man is always ready.
False. The desire of a man also knows fluctuations, and can go through periods where his libido is low. Jumping to the conclusion that they are no longer attracted to their partner is simply wrong: exhaustion, stress or events of life can impact men and women’s sex drive alike.
A man who comes too fast does not know how to restrain himself.
False. No man can stop his ejaculation: it’s a reflex. Like when the doctor hits your knee with his hammer, and your leg stretches. On the other hand, all men can learn to recognize the signs that their excitement is skyrocketing, and modulate it to move back before the point of no return.
A man who has come is a man who sleeps.
In part. After ejaculation, men need a period of rest before being able to go back for more: it is rare the penis can immediately get erected again. It can also experience a drop in energy due to the hormonal discharge during orgasm. But that does not necessarily mean that he falls into a deep sleep: it depends on men, physical exhaustion, and other circumstances.
A man who ejaculates is experiencing pleasure.
Not necessarily. Although they are closely linked, and especially almost instantaneous, ejaculation and pleasure do not always go hand in hand. A man can ejaculate without it being pleasant, and can experience intense pleasure without ejaculating. Male pleasure is not as basic as it gets depicted.
Men don’t care much about foreplay.
False. Unlike what gets depicted by many erotic media and others, men are not necessarily focused on penetration. On the contrary, moments of caresses and sensual exchanges cultivate their excitement, fuel erotic imagination, and increase pleasure.
Written by Charlotte Creplet, sex therapist at Sexocorner
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