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As we shed the taboo and shame around sexuality for vulva owners, we must consider all of life experiences. The ones that impact the way we see our sexual selves and feel in our body. The ones that affect how we find pleasure and consider intimacy. Cancer is a life experience that, sadly, so many of us will come by, whether we experience it ourselves, or through a loved one. We think it’s about time that sexual wellness was included in cancer chat.
Cancer sucks. The physical, emotional, and psychological impact of the disease on the wellness of those that experience cancer sucks. There is so much heaviness, that it’s no surprise a taboo topic such as sexual wellbeing gets deprioritized following a cancer diagnosis. Here, we share some knowledge and advice on sex and cancer.
Cancer is a total ordeal for the body and mind; as Lauren Mahon from GirlvsCancer puts it ‘Cancer ain’t sexy…’. From diagnosis, the experience can have a huge impact on us mentally and once treatment starts it becomes physical, too.
It is not easy to feel sexy, and our sexual selves are put on hold. Amidst everything, sexual wellbeing is often the least of priorities for the medical professionals helping you, so it goes without consideration. It’s well-known that people with vulvas amass a lot of shame and dismissal from discussing sexual health in medical settings, with no real reassurance that it’s something to discuss. This taboo can make it even harder for female cancer patients to ask about the sex stuff, especially when oncologists and consultants have not been trained to discuss this part of our wellbeing. If you feel you’ve been dismissed, ask for a referral to professionals such as psychosexual therapists.
With all that in mind, here are some of the ways that some treatments can impact your sexuality. Knowing these may help you put two-and-two together, or help a partner understand too.
These treatments not only affect the body, but also the mind. Remember, sexual wellbeing is a huge impact on us mentally and vice versa.
It’s important to recognize that the body goes through a lot of traumas from the point of diagnosis to way beyond final treatments. It’s a lot. And coming back to our sexual selves, at whatever point, is a process. We see and feel our body changing, experience sensations differently and build mental barriers.
‘Our sex lives are not static, they go through changes and stages like everything else, so we should never try and make things ‘go back to how they used to be’ and instead focus on what we can do to make them more satisfying.’ Kate Moyle, psychosexual and relationship therapist.
Some cancers that impact people with vulvas can also have much more specific impacts on our sex life.
For many of us, breasts are a big part of how we see and feel our sexual self. Breast cancer can change our perception of them, and surgeries can completely change the look and feel of the chest area. Mastectomies, lumpectomies, reconstruction, or nipple loss are a lot to process – and we may detach from this part of our body completely. Beyond ‘feeling’ our sexual selves, we may also struggle with the change in sensation if we enjoyed breast stimulation.
Certain procedures involve the removal of parts of the internal sexual anatomy, such as the cervix, ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, and vagina. For many vulva owners, this can mean rethinking penetration. Stitches and scar tissue from these surgeries can cause discomfort during internal stimulation such as intercourse with a penis-haver, whilst in other circumstances it may not be an option at all. Ovarian cancer and other gynecological ones directly impact the sexual anatomy we’re taught about at school and leave us feeling lost for other ways to connect with our sensual selves.
If you want to resume sexual activity after a cancer diagnosis, where do you start? These tips are here not to encourage you to force yourself into it, but rather to invite you back to your sexual self. A lot of sex and cancer advice is centered around couples, but hello… our sex life is bigger than just shared experience. We encourage vulva owners who have had a cancer diagnosis to prioritize your sexuality and reconnect through self-pleasure. Take time for yourself, before thinking about taking it with a partner.
Not only does sexual pleasure play an important role in reconnecting with ourselves and then with partners, but it can also act as a therapy tool for escapism post-diagnosis. What about before? Is there a link between cancer detection and masturbation? Or, even, prevention?
Whether through masturbation or sex with a partner, many studies have suggested a link between having an active sex life and a lower risk of developing breast cancer.
Indeed, one study showed that women who have sex at least once per month are less likely to develop breast cancer (remember, sex can be solo or partnered). This is due to the increase of two hormones, oxytocin and dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), both released during arousal and orgasm. DHEA is a powerful chemical that helps to strengthen the immune system.
Technical studies aside, masturbation is a superb routine for cultivating a healthy and caring relationship to our own body. Of course, general wellbeing can have an environmental impact on the circumstances surrounding of cancer occurrences. Plus, touching ourselves frequently means we get to know our bodies. The more familiar with what our own normal is in certain erogenous zones, the more likely we will know when something feels not quite right. Feeling our boobs or embracing vulva pride can prompt early diagnosis, and therefore save lives!
‘Knowing what your vulva feels like won’t just get you off, it will also help you spot the signs of cancer. Taking five minutes to feel for any lumps, sores, raised and thickening skin, tenderness or moles changing in shape, is just one of the ways to check in on your gynae health.’ @LadyGardenFoundation
This year, Smile Makers was a proud partner to the race La Parisienne in Paris. This 100% feminine run is a 6.7 km race connecting the most beautiful spots in Paris. And most importantly, it is a charity event raising money for research to fight breast cancer.
How getting to know your vulva can help with early detection, plus the symptoms to be aware of.
Nipples, boobs, foobs and scars all under wrap! This breast cancer awareness month we’ve been talking to BRCA communities about our experience of breasts and sexuality.