At Smile Makers, we aim to inspire people with vulvas to set their own standards for good sex. Often, that standard is set by porn.
For many of us, our first experience of partnered sex is on screen. Our expectations wildly set by passionate explosions of orgasms in, most likely heteronormative, Hollywood ‘love’ scenes; or, via an incognito curiosity for porn on an internet search engine. Both are forms of entertainment that play an understated role in how we discover sex; we’re all just one internet search away from our sexual script being written for us, rather than by us.
‘We don’t want fake sex ruining real sex for us.’ Glennon Doyle, Untamed.
Here’s two things we really want you to remember…
- Porn is a performance.
- Porn is not a standard.
Of course, like most things with sex, the secrecy in which we are taught to keep such entertainment leads to shame and misinformation and can often feel dangerous (hello, pop-ups that feel like a security threat). People with vulvas watch porn. So, why is it so hard for us to know where to begin safely, comfortably, and proudly? An introduction to porn can set us up for a better understanding of what it really is, and what sex really is too.
Where can we find pleasure-positive porn? How can we browse porn sites safely? Can porn become a part of our sexual wellness routine?We asked the porn experts at Cheex to give us a real beginner’s guide to porn.
How To Find Porn For People with Vulvas
When first starting to watch (ethical) porn it can be challenging to know how to find good porn, what you want to see and how exactly to search for what you are interested in. From our experience, people at CHEEX watch porn at least once a week, so it can be said that people are actively incorporating porn in their sexual wellness routine! However, we know that sometimes people don’t know how to kickstart their porn-watching experience.
How To Search for Good Porn?
There are a lot of different factors to what makes porn ‘good’. To find porn that does not replicate oppressing stereotypes or shows violence, googling ethical porn or independent porn production companies can be helpful as well as using Only Fans, because only if you pay for what you see you can be sure that the porn was produced under good conditions. Of course, you can decide which exact platform suits your needs and your sexual wellness routine. Subscription based porn platforms such as CHEEX are also a lot more aesthetic and safer, you don’t risk getting hacked and there are no grungy and invasive advertisements popping up on your screen.
How To Know What Porn To Search For?
When you sign up to CHEEX we ask members to fill in a little quiz on their preferences. For instance, we ask what pace they like (soft, intense, rough) to be able to show them mainly videos that will interest them. Based on these and other questions we give recommendations of videos they could watch. Try this feature yourself with a free 14-day trial on CHEEX, when you use the code SMILEMAKERS! Generally, searching for things you may be interested in and testing your way through slowly is a good way to figure out what type of porn you are into. An easy to navigate filter page also helps beginners navigate through their preferences easily and find content that sparks their imagination and stimulates them!
Glossy, Rough, Couple… - How To navigate Porn Categories and Terms?
We have been asked about this several times and for this reason we have created a glossary of porn terms that are oftentimes used. For as long as we have existed, we have always been shifting the tags and categories on CHEEX to make them as inclusive as possible. Currently we have ended up with a filter page that is very easy to use!
For example, we give our users the option to decide between soft, intense, and rough. The label “soft” shows CHEEX content that is particularly gentle, romantic and sensual – for connoisseurs who like to take their time. Under “intense” you will find films that are a little more upbeat and passionate, but not yet rough. “Rough” is a label under which CHEEX shows stories that get tougher. Mutually consensual – of course.
We also filter what people want to see: “vulva only,” “penis only” and “vulva x penis.” It’s important for us to avoid allocating gender or sexuality to our performers, as we know that this can be liquid and felt that through these categories users would have an easier time finding which sexual interactions they would like to watch at that time.
With our tag search option, you can also search a term such as “doggy” etc and be shown videos where this is present in. The sexual practices mentioned in the Porn Glossary can also be looked up through this function.
What is Ethical Porn? (and… why should I choose it over “regular” porn?)
We believe that one of the most important things when looking for good porn is that there are strict precautions to ensure the safety of the sex workers. There have to be a number of guidelines to ensure that the content is being produced safely. At CHEEX, for instance, this means that we ensure that all of the participants are of legal age and that the content was produced legally and with everyone's consent. Furthermore, we ensure that the artists are enthusiastic about what they have produced and want to share their videos, audios, tutorials etc. and that they receive a fair salary for the work they are doing. Additionally, we know most of the artists personally and are in direct contact with them to make sure that these guidelines have been followed and we would never publish any content where we aren’t fully certain whether it has been produced fairly. We also want the content we show to be authentic, we want our community to get to know the people in front of the camera, hear their stories, and relate to their pleasure on a new level. You can find more about what ethical porn is and why it is so important here!
Paying for Porn - Why Does It Matter?
A lot of people are not paying for porn because it is easily accessible for free. Moreover, watching porn has a strong stigma attached to it and people can feel like it is something they must do secretly and not something they want to spend money on. However, due to the recent public scandals and debates on how mainstream porn platforms treat people in porn and the abuse against sex workers, we really hope that people will reconsider this. By paying for porn: you make porn more ethical (because sex workers are being paid and the working conditions are safer), you get a more aesthetic experience (no pop-up ads or amateur videos), you get a larger variety (audio & visual porn), you’ll watch more realistic porn (real life couples), you can explore more (a larger variety of non-problematic videos for each taste) and you will get content that is catered to your taste.
What If I Can’t Afford To Pay For Porn?
We understand that some might view this as a luxury product, but as with everything you cannot ethically consume labour without paying for it! There are some sites that have higher fees than others so looking into what you can afford would be a great way to start in order to help sex workers and to move the industry into a safer space!
Breaking The Stigma Around Watching Porn
CHEEX stands for self-determined sexuality free of shame and stigma. We know that mainstream porn has a negative perception. We want to give a counter offer and allow everyone to discover what stimulates them and how they like to experience pleasure. For this we offer a community for all those who have a desire for sexual stimulation and inspiration. We cater to all genders by creating content that is not discriminating and show videos where female pleasure is highlighted to overcome these stigmas.
At CHEEX we make ethical porn accessible and enjoyable, but we don’t stop at porn! Education is extremely important for us, as we want everyone to improve and enjoy their sexual life. This is why on CHEEX you can find loads of resources that can help you with that, from video tutorials, to live workshops and articles. Try CHEEX for free for 14 days with code SMILEMAKERS here and kickstart your ethical porn experience!
Want to Learn More About Porn?
Here are some Smile Makers’ team approved resources that we love learning from!
- Jameela Jamil’s I Weigh podcast episode: Porn and Social Sex with Cindy Gallop
- Ruby Rare’s In Touch podcast episode: Pornography
- The Right to Sex by Amia Srinivasan: Talking To My Students About Porn
