Midlife an the menopause transition changes a lot of things. Your relationship with pleasure doesn't have to be one of them.
If you've noticed a shift in your libido, comfort during sex, or how your body responds to touch — you're not imagining it, and you're far from alone. But here's what doesn't get said enough: this isn't an ending. It's a transition. And with a little curiosity (and the right tools), it can actually become a time of real sexual discovery.
“Our relationship to pleasure evolves over time, and menopause is another opportunity to get to know your body again. For many, a lot of life is actually post-menopause; so this isn’t the end of pleasure, it’s a new phase of it. It’s about getting curious and finding new types of stimulation, not ignoring our most intimate parts and burying our head in the sand, but acknowledging that it’s such a worthwhile investment of our time and energy to seek our and allow ourselves pleasure.” Samantha Marshall, Head of Brand
What happens to libido during menopause?
Libido has never been a fixed thing. It shifts with stress, sleep, life seasons, relationships — and yes, hormones. During menopause, declining estrogen levels are one of the biggest drivers of change. They can reduce natural lubrication, cause vaginal dryness or atrophy, and make penetrative sex uncomfortable. When sex hurts, desire understandably dips.
But hormones are only part of the story. Midlife brings its own pressures — career, caregiving, identity shifts — and all of that lives in the body too.
What's worth remembering is that a huge part of life happens after menopause. This isn't the end of pleasure — it's a new phase of it. One worth getting curious about.
Can sex toys help during menopause?
Absolutely. Sex toys aren't just about pleasure in the moment (though that's reason enough). They can support circulation, help you explore new types of stimulation, engage your pelvic floor, and keep you connected to your body as it changes.
Masturbation during perimenopause and menopause is one of the best things you can do for your intimate health — and toys make that exploration easier and more intuitive. Menopause can create a bit of distance between you and your sense of desire; toys give you a low-pressure way to bridge that gap — solo or with a partner. In long-term relationships especially, introducing toys can become a way to build intimacy, spark new conversations, and break out of bedroom routines that have gone a little stale.
The goal? Making space for pleasure, without pressure.
What to look for in a sex toy during menopause
Not all toys are created equal — and what works brilliantly in your 20s or 30s might not be what your body wants now. As a Gen M Partner brand, we've done the research (and got the MTick certificate) so you don't have to — here's what to look for:
Clitoral or external stimulation
More than 70% of us need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. During menopause, internal sensitivity can decrease or feel uncomfortable — so starting externally is often both more comfortable and more effective. Clitoral vibrators are a great place to start — whether that's a suction toy, a compact lipstick vibe, or something versatile enough to work both ways.
Lube (non-negotiable)
Lube is life — at any age, but especially now. Declining estrogen directly affects vaginal lubrication, so what used to feel comfortable might not anymore. A generous, water-based lubricant can completely transform intimacy: more glide, less friction, more pleasure. Think of it less as a fix and more as an upgrade.
Adjustable intensity
Sensitivity changes — sometimes day to day. A toy that lets you easily dial intensity up or down means you're always in control of your experience.
Body-safe, ultra-soft materials
As vulval and vaginal tissue becomes more delicate, the material of your toy matters more than ever. Look for smooth, body-safe silicone — the kind that feels like a second skin rather than something clinical. Not to brag, but Smile Makers vibrators are made with cryogenically-polished silicone sourced in Japan — ultra smooth, body-safe, and designed with exactly this in mind.
How to use sex toys during menopause: tips for solo + partnered play
The biggest shift worth making? Move away from performance and toward curiosity. This isn'tabout recreating what things used to feel like — it's about meeting your body exactly where it is right now.
Take your time. Arousal may take longer during menopause, and that's completely normal. Build sensation gradually, without rushing toward an endpoint.
Lead with comfort. If penetration is uncomfortable, don't push through it. Discomfort that'signored has a way of quietly eroding desire over time. Use lube generously. Adjust rather than endure.
Think beyond genitals. Pleasure isn't only one area. Massage, intentional touch, audio erotica, or simply creating a mood can all help you reconnect with your sexual self. Sex is a full-body experience — always has been.
Use toys as a bridge, not a replacement. Using a sex toy with your partner during menopause can take pressure off and open up communication — turning intimacy into something more shared, more exploratory. It's less about what you used to do together and more about discovering what feels good now.
Keep it regular, not rigid. Like any wellbeing habit, consistency helps — but this should feel like an invitation, not a task on your to-do list.
Our Picks: sex toys for menopause
The Billionaire vibrator
A versatile vibrator that combines the precision of a bullet with enough length for internal exploration — making it ideal for finding what feels best right now. Not sure about penetration? You don't have to go deep. The tip of The Billionaire is perfect for shallow, gentle stimulation around the vaginal entrance, where sensitivity is often highest. Start external, go at your own pace, and let your body lead.*
Why it works for menopause: Versatility is everything when your body is changing. The Billionaire lets you explore clitorally, internally, or both — without committing to one or the other. Adjustable intensity means you're always in control, and its ultra-smooth silicone is gentle on more delicate tissue.
"Simple, classic, yet versatile. I find myself reaching for it the most. It allows for exploration yet reliably satisfies. It's simple shape also places an emphasis on discovering new skills, which is good in any situation. Whether alone or with someone else." Sue
The Poet suction toy
Personalize your pleasure with a suction toy that's all about building the stimulation that works best for you — and The Poet is one of the best places to start during menopause. It focuses entirely on external pleasure, making it a brilliant choice when internal sensitivity has shifted or penetration feels uncomfortable. A heads up: suction stimulation can feel intense, so start on a low setting or try a layer of fabric between the toy and your clitoris to soften the sensation — your comfort, your call.
Why it works for menopause: It comes with three interchangeable mouths, so you can experiment to find what feels best on your clitoris — handy when hormones fluctuate and sensitivity shifts from day to day. And with two squeeze sensors on either side, adjusting intensity is completely intuitive; no fumbling with buttons when you're in the moment.
"It offers many mouth sizes and pulsation options to finetune ones pleasure, which gave me a fun time exploring them all. My favourite is the 'quiver' mode - delicious!" Yen
The Whisperer lipstick vibrator
Designed by moms, for moms — and honestly, for anyone reconnecting with pleasure on their own terms. From one big life moment to another, this lipstick vibrator is made for gentle, curious exploration. No pressure, no agenda; just a beautifully discreet way back to your body.
Why it works for menopause: Its squishy, ultra-soft silicone is gentle on more delicate tissue, and it's whisper-quiet — so you don't have to think about the rest of the household, or any awkward interruptions when introducing it into partnered sex. Sometimes the best conditions for pleasure are simply the ones where you feel completely at ease.
"It is the most perfect size but i love all the different settings. It's super soft and squishy which i love because it almost feels gentle like skin." Tiffany
The French Lover tongue vibrator
For the kind of pleasure that has nothing to do with where you think it should be. The French Lover is a tongue vibrator designed for full-body exploration — think neck, belly, thighs, chest, feet — all the erogenous zones we spend a lifetime rushing past on the way to somewhere else.
Why it works for menopause: Its soft, supple tip flicks and tickles across the whole body, making it a brilliant addition to partnered play — take turns, slow down, let curiosity lead. When penetration feels uncomfortable or desire needs rekindling, expanding your pleasure map is one of the best things you can do.
"What I love most is how gentle yet effective the sensations are. It doesn't feel overwhelming, just perfectly targeted and customizable thanks to the different vibration settings." Ahna
The Bottom Line
Menopause is a transition, not a full stop. Your body is changing — and that means your relationship with pleasure gets to evolve too. With the right toys, the right lube, and a healthy dose of curiosity, this can genuinely be a chapter of discovery rather than loss.
Your pleasure is worth the investment. Always has been. Still is.
Want to explore more? Browse our full collection of body-safe vibrators and intimate wellness products — designed with real bodies and real pleasure in mind.
