Vibrators are powerful and O-inducing, but it is a misconception that they ruin your clitoral sensitivity.
One of the questions we get asked the most is if using a vibrator will make ‘real’ sex less pleasurable. There is so much to unpack about this question. Firstly, solo or partnered, using a vibe during sex still counts as real sex. Secondly, our sexual sensitivity is, well, sensitive - and using a vibrator is a great way to understand our preferences and limits. Thirdly, it can also help us reach sensations we might not have experienced during sex with a partner - yet. Yet being the keyword as using a vibe allows us to discover our pleasure potential and take that learning into what we do with a partner. Fancy unpacking a little bit more with us? Keep reading.
Understanding sensitivity in the context of sex.
Sexual sensitivity is the effect of physical stimulation on our pleasure anatomy (including erogenous zones), and it plays a significant role in our pleasure. From building arousal to reaching orgasm, too much or too little can impact our experience of sex.
One of the biggest gatekeepers of sensitivity for us women and vulva owners is the clitoris, with its 10,000 nerve endings. So many can make the clitoris hypersensitive, with certain stimulation feeling too intense - but it’s not just the number of nerve endings that impact our clit sensitivity.
How our clit feels sensations differs between us and at different stages throughout our sexual response cycle. Something that feels good upon arousal might not feel good later on - or vice versa. Plus, changes in hormones, our menstrual cycle, giving birth, menopause, and medication, to name just a few, can impact how much - or little - we feel.
The best way to understand your own sensitivity is to explore. And there is plenty of exploring to be done with a vibrator.
In fact, a study of 1000 vibrator users by sex researcher Debby Herbenick showed that using a vibrator positively impacts our sexual experience and is rarely associated with loss of sensitivity. On occasion, when someone had experienced numbness using a vibrator, most said it went away within a day. Herbernick shared;
“It’s possible that vibrator use does change sensitivity, but it’s also possible that receiving oral sex or having vaginal intercourse changes sensitivity, too!”
So, any sexual activity can - but rarely- impact sensitivity. Why are we so worried about vibrators when they could make sex more pleasurable?
Choosing the right sex toys for sensitive people.
Great vibrators are not about the greatest power, especially for those with extra sensitivity or first-time users. Our pleasure experiences are far too unique for the biggest and strongest vibrator to be the right one for all of us; instead, a personal vibrator recommendation tailored to our preferences is what we really need.
Overview of sex toys suitable for sensitive individuals.
Some of the best vibrators for beginners are designed for different sensitivities and come in all shapes and sizes.
Some are for penetrative play, others for clitoral play, and some do both. What is the benefit of a versatile vibrator? More ways to use it, of course! Not only does this allow an opportunity to expand on preferences, but if we feel sensitive in one spot - we can move to another. The Billionaire looks like a classic bullet vibrator and a vaginal vibrator combined.
Factors to consider when choosing a sex toy.
While talking about sensitivity, don’t forget how sensitive our vulval and vaginal pH is. It’s essential to make sure we choose a vibrator that is body-safe and phthalate free.
Exploring options beyond traditional vibrators.
For sensitive clitoral stimulation, The Poet suction toy allows us to control the exact speed with squeeze sensors and choose the mouth size.
For others, less continual stimulation is best for hypersensitivity. The flickering of a super soft and flexible tongue vibrator against the vulva or anywhere on the body can keep the intensity just right.
Extra things that can help with sensitivity include layering during clit masturbation and using lube to alleviate friction.
Techniques for enhancing pleasure and intimacy.
Regardless of sensitivity, using the right vibrator can increase pleasure possibilities alone and together.
Incorporating sex toys as an addition, not a replacement.
Repeat after us: sex toys do not replace partners. Instead, using a vibrator during partner sex can make it easier for us to reach orgasm - something all parties should welcome enthusiastically! A vibrator is like an accessory to a good outfit, it’s not always necessary, but it can make everything come together *wink wink*.
Combining manual stimulation with sex toys for a holistic experience.
The best part about using a vibrator together is trying out different combinations. From adding it to penetration (penis, strap-on, or finger) to get that clitoral stimulation a majority of us need to reach climax, to exploring our partner’s other erogenous zones with our mouth while holding a vibrator in place or trying out mutual masturbation - the possibilities are exciting.
Communication and exploration with a partner to enhance intimacy.
Discovering our preferences and sharing them with our partners is sexy. Whether through verbal communication, e.g., I found this angle with my vibrator that I like, or a bit of show ’n’ tell - letting our partner in on these details of our pleasure map builds intimacy and makes sex more pleasurable in the long run.
Overcoming challenges and concerns.
Using a vibrator is completely safe, and like every sexual experience, what matters the most is that you listen to your body.
A. Addressing concerns about desensitization and overstimulation.
Do you worry that you will experience weaker sensations if you use a vibrator? More often than not, if clitoral desensitization happens, it is just your body getting used to something. Variety is the spice of life, remember. The efficiency of vibrators in getting you to climax can cause worry that you will never be able to orgasm without one again. This is not true. Yes, in comparison to vibrators, more time and effort is probably required with a partner - but that’s because there is somebody else involved. Partnered sex is about way more than just hitting the climactic spot in 5 minutes, right?
Overstimulation can come from longer than usual sessions, more frequent sex, or repetitive friction. It can feel sore, too intense, or like nothing at all - and all types of sexual activity can cause it - not just vibrators. It’s completely normal in those scenarios and will go away.
B. Importance of using appropriate settings and intensities.
Listening to your body also means taking note of all the sensations a vibrator provides; it’s unlikely to have only one (extremely fast) setting. Despite it being veeeery tempting to race to the finish line, using the appropriate modes to build up will help pace the intensity.
C. Taking breaks and exploring other forms of pleasure.
If things get too intense, take a break. Stop and try something else for a few minutes when stimulation becomes unbearable during a solo or partner session. Maybe caress your chest, cup the vulva to ground yourself, or try some good ol’ fashioned snogging.
Sex is supposed to be fun and playful. Never stop exploring new techniques and ways to find pleasure - including experimenting with different types of vibrators.
Intimacy and connection with sex toys.
For many of us, we want sex to feel intimate. Using a vibrator in a long-term relationship or with a new partner is one way to enhance your sexual and emotional connection.
A. Understanding the role of sex toys in enhancing intimacy. Far from being substitutes to partners, vibrators bring you closer together to come together (or at least in the same session). They are proven to increase blood flow to our genitals, which in turn increases our chances of orgasm. Experiencing pleasure and letting go with somebody is a vulnerable experience - and that’s a big turn-on. Being able to express our most intimate thoughts and details indicates you feel safe and connected. B. Encouraging open communication and exploration with a partner. Introducing a vibrator into partnered sex begins with a conversation; it can be intimidating, but even having such an open discussion can be connecting in itself - you can both understand each other a bit better. It can also be exciting and ignite a sexual spark. Discussing what each other likes or wants to try builds awareness about each other’s sexual experiences. It’s like a commitment to each other. C. Promoting shared experiences and pleasure. Vibrators can also reduce the pressure some feel to bring their partner to orgasm. And it shows that you care about each other’s pleasure and want to help one another fulfill their pleasure potential. This sexploration can make sex more mindful and partners more thoughtful as they consider where and how to place a vibrator - bringing you both into the moment. Reader, vibrators do not ruin sex. Even for those of us that are extra sensitive to touch, vibrators for beginners are a great place to discover what works for you. Embracing toys into partner play enhances everybody’s pleasure and inspires us to keep exploring each other. Knowing how to use a vibrator together opens up a new world of intimacy. Sexy, right?
Conclusion.
