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14 May 2020 (Last updated 26 Jun 2023)

Mutual masturbation: is everybody doing it?

Pleasure Tips 3 min read
mutual masturbation with a partner
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A pleasure practice for intimacy.

“Full sex” in a relationship is not always an option. For some couples distance is a barrier. For others pain conditions or phases of low desire and arousal might make you want to avoid sexual intimacy altogether. For all of these phases in our lives (which are normal from time to time!), we believe there is a solution that helps maintain or reignite sizzling chemistry.

What is mutual masturbation?

While many other sources may refer to what we call outercourse (stimulating another person’s genitals and erogenous zones) as mutual masturbation - we are talking about touching yourself while your partner does the same, to themselves. Basically, simultaneous masturbating!

If you’ve been in a long distance relationship for a while, you are likely to know what we are talking about!

How many people are doing it?

We asked our community whether getting off with a partner was on the cards.

3 in 4 reported that they were already fans of mutual masturbation.

But, what is keeping the other 25% from doing it? Feelings of vulnerability? Or maybe the idea of masturbating together with a partner seems less intimate?

5 reasons to try mutual masturbation.

We asked the enthusiasts what it is that they enjoy about mutual masturbation.

1. For distanced lovers i.e away for working or living apart.

If you are riding it out estranged from your usual sexual partner(s) you might already be getting creative with how you can keep sparks flying between you.

Members of our community can certainly attest to this as a time to get creative with your sex life. From sexting and video-calls to the good-ol-fashioned phone sex, mutual masturbation can happen from afar; across timezones even! But it may require some creativity and practise.

2. To ignite your erotic imagination.

During your exchange, whether via text, call or video, try describing to your partner how you’d like to be touched as you pleasure yourself or let their voice lead you. Take this in turns and imagine you are actually with one another, so that you can really set the scene and build things up. Sensual selfies, nudes, or videos are another way to ignite and excite each other.

Sidenote: If you consensually decide to send sexual images of yourself to someone, there are many apps available to keep you safer so do your research first and do not give into pressure. Remember, never send an unsolicited pic!

3. To listen to your body i.e physically not wanting partner-sex but still feeling the desire.

It is completely understandable if you and/or your partner are currently not feeling as desirable or interested in partner sex these days. The fatigue is real!

Orgasms however are still a great natural and free way to boost your mood and support you to rest more soundly. Mutual masturbation means that no one has to force themselves to do more than they have the energy for!

Similarly, some people in our community shared that masturbating with a partner was likely to happen while they were menstruating or experiencing anxiety. The takeaway? Listen to what your body wants. Is it intimacy, the touch of another person or to be seen? Maybe having a partner present while you are experiencing pleasure is important to you while you don't want physical intimacy with them or maybe kissing is still something you want. All of this is fine, as our desires change all the time! So practice getting comfortable communicating with them.

Mutual masturbation is gentle and gives us space if our bodies are tired.

This is a great example of how you can still have intimacy and pleasure without depending on your partner's body for it.

4. To watch porn together i.e exploring fantasies together.

Some members of our community shared that watching porn together is a time when they masturbate with their partner. Perhaps taking turns to show one another what you like to watch, listen or read while your masturbate can be a way to get to know one another's fantasies.

5. To learn more about each other's techniques.

Another person commented that “showing them what you like” by masturbating in front of a partner can demonstrate how you like to be stimulated and touched. This can make a huge difference to how we then experience pleasure together, as our partner has a guide of our pleasure anatomy and techniques - meaning more orgasms during sex.

Of course, mutual masturbation could end up leading to more...making it your starter to touching each other. It really depends on how you both feel. If you and your partner know your bodies well though, with a little creativity it is likely that mutual masturbation could be a good enough main course!

Feeling inspired? Why not add a vibrator into the mutual masturbation play?

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