A guide to sexting

‘How to sext’ searches almost doubled in popularity when the world went into lockdown, proving that when we’re unable to see our sex buddies, meet potential partners or try out long distance; we want to find alternative ways to connect and get creative with our communication!

So, is everybody sexting?

No, not everybody! In a recent Smile Makers Instagram poll, of nearly 400 participants, 41% shared they hadn’t sexted in the past 12 months. However, 78% gave a big ‘yay’ to sexting in general. As true sext-advocates, we thought we’d ask those members of our community to share their sexting tips and inspiration – because where better to get some sext advice than from your sex-positive peers?

20 benefits of sexting

1. I love how safe it is! Don’t have to worry about STIs
2. The excitement and proximity even if you are miiiiiles away
3. Putting imagination and fantasy into words
4. Having a cheeky conversation with my partner at any time makes me feel sexy
5. Sharing unadmitted fantasies and learning about my partner’s
6. Explicit communication about what I want & what my partner wants
7. It’s very titillating and spontaneous
8. Good way to learn about each other’s fantasies and desires
9. Often non-commital (and covid friendly!)
10. Still have the connection with someone without the risk of covid
11. Practicing asking what you want/describing what you want
12. I love how it really broadens my dirty talk for in person stuff
13. The comfort of not having to make eye contact if you don’t like something or are embarrassed
14. The detail of the description, it turns me on so much
15. The way words can arouse you all on their own
16. Easier to perform (reach climax) without judgement
17. Being able to really think about what you want and write it down
18. Enjoy seeing what my partner is fantasizing about me. Easier to understand him as a person
19. Surviving covid and no worries of STIs
20. Everything

Sexting etiquette

First things first, just like any IRL sexual interaction, make sure it’s consensual from both you and the other person. Being open-minded to new experiences doesn’t mean you have to ignore uncomfortable feelings, if something doesn’t feel right – or you don’t want to partake – don’t. Keep in mind that messaging, like actual partner sex, is supposed to be pleasurable and stimulating for you both.

When’s the best time to sext?

Okay, so you’re keen to get in on these feel-good advantages but you’re not sure when to do kick things off? As we mentioned earlier, make sure it’s consensual – and respectful of the other person’s time or surroundings. Check in to see if now’s good timing, and whether they’ve got an appropriate set-up to give the sext session the attention it deserves!

Many of our sexters noted night time as their favorite time to get frisky over the phone, just before sleep. We all know that orgasms are a great way to send us off to the land of nod! As mentioned, sexting also creates space for spontaneity – midday musings make for a great afternoon pick-me-up, whilst some sexters are turning to their phones rather than the refrigerator for their midnight snacks – yesss!

The most common answer? ‘Any time! Whenever I’m in the mood.’.

What if you don’t fancy being wordy?

Writing is an erotic creative output that allows us to run with our imagination, but there’s more to sexting than just words. Sometimes we can’t quite find the words, or we just can’t be bothered to type things out, perhaps our hands get a little full, if things are going well; what about other ways we can communicate through the phone? Here’s some tips...

• Easy on the eyes, stimulate all the senses with a visual or two. Many of our sexters are fans of pictures, but why? ‘I find it easier than coming up with sexy texts.’. Sending nudes or cute selfies can help us with our sexy stories, but it’s important to ensure you trust the recipient and vice versa. One useful tip mentioned was to not include your face, but a bit of privacy if you need it!
• Videos are also popular as you can do a little show and tell to your partner, and could help teach them how you like to be touched and where! One suggestion was to send the kind of porn that you’re watching to the person, so you can watch together – a sexy take on a Netflix party!
• If you can’t write it, say it with words! ‘Voice notes are underrated.’ claimed one sexter and it looks like others agree. Sending and receiving the sounds of self-pleasure such as moans or breathing can help you imagine the person beside you - another vocal perk being that you can go hands-free and close your eyes.
• Fancy something a bit more mindful? If you’re feeling thoughtful, or want to champion the good old days of snail mail, send a sexy love letter in the post. Three of our sexters have penned their sessions down on paper, and one once sent her partner an embroidery – taking nudes to a whole new artsy level!

Can you guess the most popular sext emojis?

Words are not our only language, emoticons have come a long way from brackets and colons, and now we have a whole dictionary of symbols at our fingertips. It may sound silly, but these little symbols can work mighty fine in expressing something that we can’t type – or don’t have the time to... Here’s the top ten sexting emoji suggestions!

Tips for first-time sexting

For those of us that haven’t tried sexting but want to, our community left us with lots of sex-positive advice!

1. On getting started...

• Do it with someone you really feel good and someone you trust. Never do it just because someone asked you to. This is supposed to be fun. Not an obligation!
• Take it slow, don’t feel like you need to say anything you’re not comfortable with
• Don’t rush, trust the person you’re messaging

2. On getting creative...

• Doesn’t have to be too descriptive! Let their imagination run wild.
• Just say what is in your head and don’t put pressure on yourself
• Don’t be scared to try different words you wouldn’t normally use. It’s exciting
• Start small. Short fantasies, then slowly give more and more detail
• Just go for it. Think about what you’d like to have sent to you, and start there!

3. On discovering yourself...

• This is your opportunity to explore your ideal sex. Tap in and see what you really want.
• Think of your wildest fantasy and make it come to life thru texts
• Get out there, have fun, and explore your preferences!
• Have a photoshoot alone & explore yourself, play your favorite music and put on an outfit that makes you feel sexy

4. On partner considerations...

• Ask for their response ‘would u like me to...’
• Be honest with each other and set boundaries if you’re uncomfortable
• Have fun, learn to communicate and understand what you and your partner like
• Try and not overthink it, helped me think ‘if they were here what would I like’.

5. Other sexting tips and tricks...

• Turn your read receipts off so you have longer to think of a reply – takes the pressure off!
• No face/identifying features in photos and videos if you want to be more careful
• Research apps and security. Many apps are not as safe as you think!
• It’s going to be ridiculous, just go with it!

Best vibrators for sexting?

Sexting is a great opportunity to introduce toys into a relationship; you can tell your partner how you like to use it on yourself, or guide them on to use theirs. Though, relationship or not, there’s some vibrators that are made for such sexting occasions...

Hands-free vulva stimulator

The Ballerina’s ergonomic shape means you can place it on top of your vulva and still hit the clitoris and vaginal opening. To go hands-free, try squeezing your legs to gather to keep it in place or lay on your front with it between your thighs; hello both hands for easier texting!

Oral sex simulator

The tongue-like vibrator mimics French kisses wherever you want them on your body. Circle your nipples or ‘lick’ your vulva up and down to recreate a partner’s oral touch, or stick to feathery strokes up and down your favorite erogenous zones. Our tip? Use lube for wetter sensations!

A sex-scented candle

*Not a vibe, we know. But lighting a candle will definitely get you in the sensual mood, and take you from flickering flame to flicking the bean in just a few sexy messages.