Quick answer: Libido often shifts during menopause because of falling estrogen, plus stress, sleep, medication and life changes. Vaginal dryness can make penetration uncomfortable. Sex toys with external stimulation and adjustable intensity, a good water-based lube and a curious, no-pressure mindset can help you reconnect with pleasure.
If your libido has been doing its own thing lately, you're far from alone. Menopause is one of many moments in life when desire can shift. The good news? This isn't the end of pleasure. It's a new chapter of it.
What happens to libido during menopause?
Libido isn't something that stays constant throughout life. Hormonal changes can play a big role during menopause, but they're only part of the picture. Stress, routine, sleep, medication and life changes often have just as much, if not more, influence on desire.
How does menopause affect vaginal health and sex?
The drop in estrogen can affect vaginal health. Dryness or atrophy (thinning of the vaginal tissues) can cause pain or discomfort during penetrative sex, which in turn can make sex feel less appealing. That's not a you problem; it's a very common, very fixable comfort problem.
A transition, not a loss
Our relationship to pleasure evolves over time, and menopause is another chance to get to know your body again. For many of us, a big part of life is actually post-menopause, so this isn't the end of pleasure; it's a new phase of it.
It's about getting curious and finding new types of stimulation, not ignoring our most intimate parts and burying our heads in the sand. Seeking out and allowing ourselves pleasure is such a worthwhile investment of our time and energy.
Should you use sex toys during menopause?
Absolutely. Sex toys can be a really helpful (and fun!) way to reconnect with your body during this time. They're not just about pleasure in the moment: they can support circulation, help you explore new types of stimulation, engage your pelvic floor and help you stay in touch with your body as it changes.
Tools that make exploration easier and more intuitive can help you reconnect with desire, too. It's about making space for pleasure without pressure, solo or partnered. In long-term relationships that have fallen into a routine, introducing toys can be a great way to build intimacy and keep exploring each other's bodies.
What to look for in a sex toy and lube during menopause
Curiosity and comfort are key. Here's what to look for:
- External stimulation. Many of us rely on clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and during menopause internal sensitivity can decrease or feel uncomfortable. Start with a vibe like The Billionaire, whose versatile design lets you explore both outside and in.
- Lube, always. Lube is life at every stage, but especially now. A water-based lubricant like Generous Gel acts as a cushion that increases glide and reduces friction, helping intimacy feel comfortable, and most importantly pleasurable, again.
- Adjustable intensity. Choose toys that let you easily control intensity, especially if your sensitivity varies from day to day.
- Soft, body-safe materials. As vulvar and vaginal tissues become drier or more delicate, softness matters more than ever. Smile Makers vibrators are made from ultra-smooth, cryogenically polished silicone sourced in Japan.
- The MTick. Look for products that carry the GenM MTick, the first universal shopping symbol for menopause-friendly products. It shows a product has been independently assessed to meet the needs of people going through menopause. Browse our menopause-friendly edit.
Tips for using sex toys during menopause, solo or partnered
Start by shifting your mindset away from performance and toward curiosity. This isn't about recreating what things used to feel like; it's about meeting yourself, your body and your pleasure exactly where you are today.
- Take it slow. Arousal may take longer, and that's completely normal. Build sensation gradually.
- Prioritize comfort. Don't push through pain, especially with penetration. Discomfort can dampen desire over time, so it's worth adjusting rather than enduring. And use lube!
- Think beyond genitals. Pleasure isn't just about one area. Massage, touch, audio or setting the mood can all help you reconnect with your sexual self.
- Use toys as a bridge, not a replacement. In partnered sex, toys can take the pressure off and open up communication, turning intimacy into something more shared and exploratory.
- Keep it regular, not rigid. Like any wellness habit, consistency helps, but it should feel inviting, not like a chore.
Don't forget your pelvic floor
Falling estrogen can affect your pelvic floor as well as your libido, which can show up as bladder leaks or a feeling of less control. Pelvic Partner, our app-free pelvic floor trainer, is MTick certified for bladder support and confidence during perimenopause and menopause.
FAQs
Why does libido change during menopause?
Falling estrogen plays a role, but libido during menopause is also shaped by stress, sleep, routine, medication and life changes. Vaginal dryness can also make sex less comfortable, which can affect desire.
What is the best lube for menopause?
A water-based lubricant is a good place to start during menopause. It adds a cushion of glide, reduces friction and helps make sex comfortable when vaginal dryness is an issue. It is also compatible with silicone toys.
What kind of vibrator is best during menopause?
Look for a vibrator with external or clitoral stimulation, adjustable intensity and soft, body-safe silicone, since internal sensitivity and tissue comfort can change during menopause.
What is the MTick?
The MTick, created by GenM, is the first universal shopping symbol for menopause-friendly products. It shows a product has been independently assessed as meeting the needs of people experiencing menopause.
