Job interview in an hour. First date tonight. Meeting the in-laws this weekend. Amidst life’s milestones, like parenthood and menopause, there are also smaller moments that can feel just as big in the moment. And while we’re equipped with countless ways to ‘get in the zone’, for them, masturbation rarely tops the pre-event prep list — even though the science behind it is better than most of the other options combined.
May is Masturbation Month, and we're opening it with the most immediately practical thing we know: self-pleasure as a legitimate, evidence-backed way to show up calmer, and more present for the moments that count.
"Fun fact: when I interviewed for my role at Smile Makers all those years ago, by the third interview I had ordered and used The Billionaire vibe — and I absolutely reaped the confidence rewards from that." Samantha Marshall, Head of Brand
Our community has been quietly using self-pleasure as a pre-event ritual for years — long before we started talking about it publicly. We explored it at our Pleasure as a Power Move event, and it keeps coming up.
Does masturbation actually reduce stress?
Yes — and it's not just a feeling. When you're stressed, your body produces cortisol, the primary stress hormone. It raises your heart rate, tightens your muscles, and keeps your brain in a state of alert. Useful in a genuine emergency; less ideal when you're trying to come across well in a room.
Orgasm directly counteracts this. It triggers a release of oxytocin — the hormone associated with feelings of warmth and safety — which research shows actively works to bring cortisol levels down. At the same time, endorphins (your body's natural mood-lifters) and dopamine (the hormone behind motivation and reward) are released. The result is a measurable shift in how you feel — not a performance of calm, but actual physiological calm.
There isn't a precise scientific consensus on an exact timing window — the research around the health benefits of sex tells us the hormonal shift happens, not that it lasts for a specific number of minutes. What we do know is that many of us find that building this into our pre-event routine — rather than rushing it — makes a real difference. Listen to your body on the timing. You'll know.
Why does it make you feel more confident?
The confidence that comes from orgasm isn't the pumped-up, pre-game-playlist kind. It's groundedness — the quality of being genuinely settled in your own body rather than running a commentary on yourself from the outside in.
Neuroimaging research shows that the part of the brain responsible for self-monitoring, social judgment, and self-critical thinking quiets during and after orgasm. Less 'how am I coming across?' and more 'I'm actually here.' That quality of presence — not performed, just real — is one of the most compelling things you can bring into any high-stakes situation, no?
For women and people with vulvas, there's something else worth naming: self-pleasure is an act of self-connection that has nothing to do with anyone else's experience or approval. It is entirely yours. Which is, incidentally, exactly what makes it so grounding.
What's actually happening in your body
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Cortisol (your main stress hormone) drops — primarily because of the oxytocin released during orgasm
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Endorphins are released — the same ones behind the mood lift after a good workout, and a natural form of pain relief
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Dopamine rises — the hormone behind motivation, focus, and that sense of quiet confidence
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Prolactin surges after orgasm — associated with feelings of relaxation and satisfaction, and also linked to better sleep
How to use masturbation as a pre-event ritual
There's no right or wrong way to approach this. Here are just a few pieces of inspiration for your next big event:
- Build it into a wider pre-event ritual — a shower, some time to yourself, no phone, pleasure...
- Focus on clitoral masturbation if time isn’t on your side, it’s how most of us reach orgasm the fastest – and solo quickies are 100% a thing for reaping those stress-relieving benefits. A bullet vibrator or suction toy are perfect tools for this type of stimulation.
- It's okay if you don’t climax! Pressure to achieve orgasm would rather defeat the purpose. The physiological benefits begin with arousal. And that time with yourself is valuable regardless.
So, next time something big is in the calendar and you need a confidence boost, consider making your heart race in an entirely different — and entirely pleasurable — way first. Our community has been talking about it for years, and the science backs it up.
