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01 Oct 2020 (Last updated 27 Sep 2023)

Non-sexual ways to explore our sexual selves

Sexual Journey 6 min read
Smile Makers Author
non physical ways to connect with our sexuality

Sex is not all about stimulation and physical pleasure. Our relationship to sexuality can be nurtured and expanded in many other ways. We have wrapped up a guide of non-sexual activities to explore our sexuality in a creative way. This guide might be helpful for those healing from sexual trauma, too.

Creative ways to explore sexuality that don't involve sex.

Creativity is something that we all have and as children were encouraged to express daily. As adults, our lives often leave little time for creativity unless we make a point to involve it. The ability to create is available to all humans and this is why creativity is linked to our sexuality.

Connecting with our creative side helps to connect to our sexual energy as it reminds us that using our bodies, we can create a masterpiece, a blissful orgasm or even a new life! Yet to find your creative outlet? Harness your creativity for more pleasure with some non-sexual activities.

1. Use pens, pencils and paint.

Draw sexuality. What does sexuality look like to you? Is it different for people with vulvas and people with penises? What would an orgasm look like? Using coloured pens and paper draw whatever comes up for you.

The result will be completely unique to your experience of sexuality. What would your ideal version of your sexuality look like?

Draw your vulva. It has been proven that those of us who know their sexual bodies best have more satisfying sex lives and this starts with looking at our intimate anatomy. 

Take a hand mirror look at your vulva up close. Observe the colours, textures and different layers. Notice any feelings that come up for you while you are looking at yourself.

Can you let go of any judgement? Remind yourself that every single vulva is completely unique and it's a beautiful thing. 

2. Embrace your fantasy.

Imagination is a major mental and emotional activity of human beings: we have an innate talent to create more or less realistic stories in our minds. Using our erotic imagination plays a key role in the cycle of sexual response as it fuels our desire and our arousal response making sex much more pleasurable. Healthy fantasising looks like Mental Framing: imaging scenarios to get you and/or your partner in the mood to excite and entertain.

Remember: not all fantasies should necessarily be carried out in real life, they exist in our mental space, and that's perfectly healthy. Fantasies are a great way to uncover what excites us sexually.

Create your own erotic story. Use a timer for 5 minutes, write as many scenarios, locations and characters you can. Then once the timer goes off, choose a combination (scenario, location and characters) that most stand out to you and create an erotic story. You now have your own personalised erotica to refer to or to share with a partner if you want to.

3. Write to connect with your inner self.

Journaling can be a great way to blow off steam; releasing and reflecting on the day, our feelings and deepest thoughts. It can also be a powerful way to help manifest how you want to feel by highlighting our desires, focusing on and urging our inner most selves to magnify the positive aspect of ourselves into our lives.

Journal about your relationship to your sexuality. Using these journal prompt, reflect on how you currently feel about your sexuality.

  • I feel most sexual when...
  • I feel most aroused when / by...
  • I prioritise my own pleasure by…
  • I show myself compassion and love by…
  • My favourite sexual encounter was when...
  • My current fantasy is...

Looking back our journals can be a fun way to see how we have grown and challenged ourselves. Set a reminder to come back to this journal entry in a few months, have your answers changed? With the theme of reflection in mind, if you could speak to your younger self what would you want to tell them? From all that you have learnt so far in life, what stands out about sex and sexuality that you wish you could tell your 30, 20 or 16 year-old self?

Write a letter to a younger self about sexuality. Think about any limiting beliefs you may have had during that time about sex, your body or society in relation to these things. What do you wish you did sooner? How would you reassure younger you with what you now know?

Reflecting on what you have written, notice if you still hold on to some of the limiting or harmful beliefs you once had, maybe they have just changed shape or maybe you have adopted new ones? What would the most sexually fulfilled, compassionate, contented version of yourself say to you about these beliefs?

Create a pleasure positive affirmation. Starting with the words “I am” create a sex/body/pleasure-positive affirmation on a sticky note and leave it in a place that you will see every day.

  • Keep the sentence positive.
  • Use the present tense (it’s already happening!).
  • Use action words that convey a strong sense of doing and feeling.
  • Keep it brief and very specific.

4. Connect with your creative center.

While many of us that menstruate will find periods an inconvenience, they do tell us a lot about our health. Getting to know where you are in your cycle is a great way to track not only your periods and your fertility, but it also gives you information about your body's energy levels and hormones, both of which affect your desire and arousal (which is important for lubrication!)

Sync your cycle! Note in your calendar or period app your current desire and arousal thinking about and during sex. Mark the days you do have sex and what you most enjoyed about it. When do you most orgasm? Consider planning you dates, masturbation and partner sex to sync to your menstrual cycle and note any differences in your pleasure.

4. Try sensual breathing.

Our breath is a bridge between our mental, emotional and physical selves. The body uses the breath to send a message to the brain and vice versa; it prepares us for action and for rest.

When we inhale more, our heart beats faster, our muscles tense and we are able to orgasm. When we exhale more our heart beat slows, our digestive and rest systems kicks in and arousal is possible.

Practise being comfortable with hearing your breath and if you, like many others, tend to hold your breath when excited, use the exercise below regularly to create better habits that you can then use during masturbation and partner sex.

Awaken the pelvis with your breath. Sitting comfortably, focus on your breathing. Visualise sending your breath to your pelvis. As you inhale you might squeeze or create a sense of lifting in your pelvis, and then relaxing it as you exhale. This is called breathwork.

Practise this without forcing or holding the breath until you establish a comfortable rhythm. The next step would be to repeat the steps above focusing specifically on the labia or vagina during the inhales. Try this in stages; starting off by focusing on the area that naturally has the most sensation for you.

This might look like: Inhaling for a count of 4 as you bring some tension to the vagina walls and then exhaling for a smooth count of 4 as you relax the vagina walls. The relaxing is just as important as the tension! Don’t be alarmed if this is not something you can sense right away, many of us are not used to having so much awareness in this part of our bodies.

If, and it's a big if, you're feeling inspired to get a bit more physical after these sexual activities - the creativity doesn't stop! Our rabbit vibrator is designed to inspire you to tap into your creative self whilst finding pleasure.

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