Between work, family, and everything else competing for your attention, pleasure can end up at the bottom of the list. But you're not too busy for it. You're likely just approaching it the same way you approach everything else: rushed, efficient, and squeezed into whatever gap is left. The good news is that pleasure doesn't need a spare evening or a perfect setup to be worthwhile. It just needs a little intention. Here are five small, realistic shifts that make more room for it, even on your fullest weeks.
1. Put the devices down.
Analogue wellness, unplugging from screens on purpose, has become a genuine cultural shift, and it applies to intimacy too. One survey found that 46 percent of people experience "phubbing," being ignored in favor of a partner's phone, and research consistently links this to lower relationship satisfaction. The same principle applies to your relationship with yourself. Setting your phone aside and just lying on the bed, the couch, or the floor for some focused you-time, purely on touch, can help you reconnect with sensations you might otherwise rush past.
We know, you've heard it before, but it genuinely makes a difference. The time you spend doomscrolling could be spent pleasure vibing instead, literally and metaphorically.
2. Use your hands, not just a toy.
It's easy to fall into the habit of reaching for a toy without actually touching your vulva or clitoris first. Fingering is seriously underrated, solo or partnered, and using your hands can bring curiosity and sensation back to the surface. If you're comfortable, add lube to remove any friction, so there's nothing standing between you and how good it feels.
3. Slow the pace down.
Suction toys can be intense and incredibly efficient, sometimes too efficient. If you notice yourself racing to the finish every time, try easing off. Taking your time lets you reconnect with your body and notice sensation, rather than moving on autopilot. It doesn't mean quickies are off the table. It just means they shouldn't be the only setting you know. Mixing things up matters too. If your routine feels stale, reaching for a different kind of stimulation, rather than your default, can make the experience feel new again, even if the rest of your week hasn't changed at all.
4. Reintroduce touch beyond the obvious.
Pleasure doesn't have to start at the vulva. Body oils are a good excuse to slow down and reconnect with your whole body first, the curve of your waist, the back of your knees, your collarbone, before you get anywhere near a toy. It's a simple ritual, and it turns self-pleasure into something closer to a massage than a routine to get through. A tongue vibrator like The French Lover works well here too, designed to tease and explore the whole body, not just the obvious spots.
5. Redefine what "making time" looks like.
Pleasure doesn't need to be a grand, romanticized event to count. It can be a reset between meetings, a few minutes on a lunch break, or a quiet moment before bed. Many people in our community squeeze in solo time while working from home, in whatever pocket of privacy they can find. Letting go of the idea that pleasure requires a whole evening is often what makes it possible to have more of it. The goal isn't to add one more thing to your to-do list. It's to notice the small windows that already exist.
That can also mean making time for pleasure that has nothing to do with touch. Listening to audio erotica or reading erotic fiction somewhere other than your bed, on the train, on a walk, on your lunch break, lets your mind do some of the work. There's a reason smut TikTok has taken off the way it has: it's a low-effort way to make space for pleasure and tap into your own erotic imagination, wherever you happen to be. Our Substack is a good place to start.
The takeaway
Pleasure is a right, not a luxury, and you deserve to prioritize it. It can even help you feel less busy or stressed in the process, thanks to the many wellness benefits pleasure brings, from better sleep to a genuine mood boost. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Making a little more room for pleasure is one of the simplest ways to do that.
Frequently asked questions
Why is it hard to prioritize pleasure when you're busy?
Pleasure often gets deprioritized because it feels optional compared to work or family responsibilities, and it's easy to assume it requires more time or effort than it actually does.
Does using your hands feel different from using a toy?
Yes. Hands offer more variation in pressure, rhythm, and touch, which can bring back a sense of curiosity that can fade when relying on a toy alone.
What is analogue wellness?
Analogue wellness refers to intentionally stepping away from screens and digital devices to reconnect with yourself or others in real time, including during moments of intimacy.
How can body oils support self-pleasure?
Massaging body oil into your skin encourages full-body touch and sensory awareness before you focus on more obvious areas, helping turn self-pleasure into a slower, more connected ritual.
