This month’s masturbation diary is by Annie, someone who has been happily single before, but is now happily coupled up. Together with her partner, Annie navigates mismatched libido and finds that broadening the definition of sex helps a lot.
Living situation: I’m on the south coast, UK and now live with my husband.
Relationship status: Married, 2 years. Relationship for 4.5 years and before single for years, happily single. Can I say that?! ☺️ I’m also happily married.
Pronouns: She/her
What sexual orientation best fits you right now? Heterosexual.
How many sex toys do you own? One.
Do you ever use lube during masturbation? Sometimes.
What do you call masturbation? Anything that makes me feel good and ends with a delicious orgasm. Masturbation for me can mean different things and be for different things. Sometimes it’s to connect with myself, others it’s to help with pains, sometimes it’s a quick fix just to release a build up of sexual arousal when my husband isn’t interested in sex.
How would you describe your libido at the moment? I feel I have a high sex drive, much higher than my husband’s. Sometimes it’s an ache sometimes it’s a desire to connect or to experience something nice.
Growing up, what kind of convos did you have about sex? My parents would answer just enough to satisfy us. So they never lied to us but only talked about it as much as they felt we needed to know. They didn’t really talk about masturbation from a female viewpoint, it was something boys did. So to begin with, even without it being said it felt naughty. Sex they were more open with but again everything felt more about men. It wasn’t until a fabulous conversation with my gran who described the conversation she had with her mum on her wedding day. She said to just lay back and make sure my grandad was happy. My grans said to me “I thought sod that I’d I’m doing something I’m going to enjoy it too. And that was when I thought about it as something we can enjoy too.
At what age do you first remember masturbating? I think 13, I think!
Annie's masturbation diary.
Week one.
Most of the time I solo masturbate however, as my husband has a lower sex drive than me he’s opened the conversation to join me as we both pleasure me. He wants me to feel connected to him; this way, he isn’t doing something he’s not wanting to right now for his own reasons. I think that’s incredible. I didn’t think I would be so shy with him. This is the man I’ve had the most meaningful, transformative, and connecting sexual experiences of my life. It was like I was showing him my private space that was connected with me.
Week two.
This week, I have felt incredibly horny. And spent one morning just slowly pleasuring myself. I wanted to explore my own body a bit more and hold off the orgasm. Almost tease myself. I wanted a different experience and so wanted to make love to myself. Perhaps it’s the excitement of last week with my husband. I like to orgasm when I masturbate. The only time I don’t is if it’s the 4 or 5th in a row. This week has been fun and interesting.
Week three.
I think I tired myself out from week two as this week I haven’t had a sexual desire. I’ve been doing other ways of connecting with myself. And I think I would like to invest in new sex toys and perhaps crystal love eggs.
Week four.
This week has been a more anxious week. When I’m anxious sex of any kind is off the table for me. Sex, self-pleasure… I can’t do if too stressed. When a little stressed, it can be a beautiful way to relax but when full-on anxiety hits all my sexual desires go.
When caught up in the whirlwind of stress, it's easy to forget what it can do to our wellness, including our sexual libido. The most important thing? Don't stress about the stress! It's completely normal for our sexual desire to ebb and flow, it's not a constant. Acknowledging how our mental wellbeing impacts us sexually this can actually help create more space for pleasure in our lives.
Masturbation diaries by the Smile Makers' community are here to discuss what we rarely discuss... how we masturbate! We hope to inspire and prove that every one of us is writing our very own sexual story. We also adore that it's a great time to reflect on our monthly pleasure and note how it impacts our wellness!
Want to share yours? Let us know what a month of masturbating (or not!) looked like for you, and if we feature yours, we'll send you Smile Makers' goodie as a token of our appreciation for inspiring us all.
