We are talking about cunnilingus. This type of oral sex involves a vulva, lips, and tongue - arguably, also a kind of lip-locking. Licking, sucking, and kissing on and between the labia, letting the clitoris take center stage.
Many of us love cunnilingus, while some find it uncomfortable to talk about, let alone receive it! Here we share our favorite tips to receive cunnilingus. Props include a mirror, paper and pencil, a tongue vibrator…But more on that later. Let’s start by challenging the idea that oral sex is such a big taboo!
Oral sex in culture.
While seeing a woman receiving oral sex in the mainstream media is still quite scarce compared to our male counterparts, cunnilingus really has had its moment everywhere, from controversial politics (it was illegal in some American states as recently as 2005) to religion and spirituality.
Despite blowjobs being in mainstream media, vulva loving oral sex doesn't get as much spot light. Yet, cunnilingus really has had its moment everywhere, from controversial politics (it was illegal in some American states as recently as 2005) to religion and spirituality.
In fact, in Taoist practices, giving a woman oral sex is seen as a way to increase one’s longevity in life. After a quick Google search, we found female oral sex depicted everywhere from feminist pop-art and 18th Century Japanese paintings.
Nowadays, we've got much more artistic with our words. Cunnilingus is also known as licking out, going down, giving head, lip-synching, cunning linguistics, tongue lashing... we are down an oral delights hole.
Do people enjoy cunnilingus?
Yes! People with vulvas are way more likely to orgasm when cunnilingus is involved, so the results are highly enjoyable. How comes? Because, unlike vaginal penetration, it's pretty hard to miss the clitoris and its 10,000 nerve endings during cunnilingus. Perhaps it's the key to bridging the orgasm gap.
As a receiver, cunnilingus is all about us, full attention is on our pleasure, with no expectation for us to be doing anything but enjoying the sensations. We don't even have to move.
It makes sense why, in an Australian study, 74% of women said they want oral stimulation. We reckon, this number could be a lot higher if it wasn't for vulva shame.
How to do solo cunnilingus.
It could simply be, however, an opportunity for more solo exploration of our body and a chance to develop a love story with our vulvas. Here are some of our suggestions for doing this.
- Look at your vulva. Find a quiet time when you are able to relax and be alone; take a hand mirror or sit in front of a full-length mirror and take a long look at your vulva. Exploring the layers using your fingers or simply have a good ol’ stare, noticing how it feels to have your legs open and lips apart.
- Get artsy. Draw what you see. You’ve probably seen a lot of vulva art popping up on Instagram; it’s a wonderful way to celebrate the uniqueness of our bodies. Look carefully at the different shades and textures. Think of it as a map for exploration!
- Masturbate. Use lubricant on your fingers to simulate the texture of a tongue while exploring the whole vulva area with licking-like movements. If you are used to masturbating this way, skip right ahead.
- Try a tongue vibrator. When you feel ready, use tongue vibrator. Try different types of strokes and pressures to mimic tongue touches of oral sex. Pair the vibrator with plenty of water-based lubricant to help it glide all over- tracing patterns on your body and lingering in places that feel best.
You can introduce the tongue vibrator into partnered sex too, and demonstrate how you like to receive oral sex. It could be the whole experience itself or help lead to being comfortable - and even excited - to receive oral sex.
Remember: this kind of exploration is not goal oriented. Ease off any expectations to climax and take this as a chance to learn what areas of the vulva feels good.
How to receive cunnilingus with a partner.
- Relax and breathe. Seriously, we often forget how much our breath can impact pleasure, and holding it is a no-no for relaxing into the moment. When we release the tension, it's much easier to let go and be at the sweet mercy of our partner's tongue.
- Moan and groan. If words don't come, especially while you're on your way to come, use sounds instead to communicate. Giving an extra groan when you like how your partner's tongue is flicking or when they slide their tongue near your vagina gives them an indication of what feels good - plus, it's some encouragement for them to keep going.
- Use their head. Again, when you're unsure how to say it, you can use your hand on their head to direct them to the right spot. Just remember to check in with them, 'Is it okay that I am holding your head?'.
- Touch other erogenous zones. While receiving head, explore the rest of your body with your hands. Press on your mons pubis, tease your nipples, run your hands through hair - so many options!
- Engage your pelvic floor. Sounds like a boring kegel exercise, but it's soo much more. These muscles can elevate pleasure in the moment; try squeezing your groin muscles or raising your hips from the bed.
- Double-up stimulation with a finger or toy. If you also want some vaginal action, ask your partner to use one or two fingers simultaneously. Or, get them to use a G-spot vibrator. This type of toy needs minimal hand action, and pulsating massage is enough to pleasure the G-spot. No thrusting necessary.
- Ask for more wetness. Don't be afraid of your partner's saliva on your vulva and clitoris, it can increase sensations - 'Can you spit on me?' can be a super sexy question in the moment.
- Consider a barrier method. It is possible to contract infections via oral sex, and if you are unsure of each other's STI status, vulval protection is a good idea. Dental dams are sheets of latex that sit over the vulva, creating a barrier between your vulva and their mouth. Don't have one to hand? You can make a dental dam with a condom, too. Gently snip the tip and cut lengthways down the condom, et voila, you have a fresh sheet of latex!
Best positions for cunnilingus.
Did someone say funnilingus? Mix up positions to find new ways to have fun with this vulva-loving oral sex. Different angles and ways to lay, from both the giver and receiver, can create different sensations.
Straight on: giver between the legs.
Lay on your back with your legs apart with room for your partner's head to fit between. Raise your hips in this position to give them more access to your vulva, so their tongue can reach down to your vaginal entrance and perineum.
High sensitivity level. The tongue hits the clit directly where a lot of the nerve endings are.
From the side: giver at an angle.
Also known as the Kivin method this position puts your partner's mouth perpendicular to your vulva. Lay on your back, with one knee bent and your partner laying at 90 degree angle on their belly. They can go on their hands and knees to reach over, or they can go under your bent leg so that it is resting on their back.
For some vulva owners, receiving cunnilingus from the side (as opposed to head-on) can lead to deeper pleasure and more intense orgasms (MasterClass, 2022).
Medium sensitivity level. Less intense clitoral stimulation as the action is more divided across your vulva, and on the sides of the clitoris glans too.
On top: sitting on giver's face.
You partner lays on their back, and you literally sit on their face. For best control and angles, try a squatting position - or use pillows for support while on your knees. Headboards come in very handy here, too. Ride your partners tongue and mouth back and forth, round and round, or up and down!
Low sensitivity level. Well, depending on you. In this position, you are in control of how much pressure the tongue has against your vulva and clit. Yeehaw.
69 position: simultaneous oral sex.
The act of giving and receiving oral at the same time, yum! Whether you're licking, sucking or kissing, find the most comfy position for both you and your partner. Options include; one person laying on their, and the other on their knees above them; both of you on your sides facing each other's genitals; one person laying on a higher surface and the other bending down over them.
Medium sensitivity level. There's a lot going on in this position, and intensity can also come from you being turned on by giving oral too. Phwoar.
We hope this guide to cunnilingus inspires you! 😛
