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05 Jun 2017 (Last updated 28 Jun 2023)

Real talk on sex in long term relationships

Pleasure Tips 4 min read
sex in a long term relationship

Your partner is a love of your life, perhaps you decided to stick with them until death do you apart (or at least for a few years).

You are living the dream, whatever your version of the perfect relationship is, with or without the children and the golden retriever (or French bulldog).

But as years go, a love relationship (and a person) evolves. Passion very often fades for care, comfort and a smooth love. And sometimes, that can mean less exciting, sexy, limitless SEX. What’s the truth when it comes to marriage and sex?

The facts on sex and marriage.

Scientific research seems to confirm the dominant archetype that sex in marriage and long relationships tends to take a hit and that sex drive decreases, and more for vulva owners than penis havers.

A study based on a sample of American adults aged between 18 years old and 59 years old showed that nearly half of the female respondents were prone to experience sexual dysfunctions, such as vulvodynia or erectile dysfunction, that alter their sexual desire versus men.

A similar research led in Finland drew a relationship between the length of the relationship and vulva owner's sexual functions, saying that “FSFs (editor’s note: female sexual functions) varied considerably over 7 years and relationship status was of importance when assessing temporal stability”.

Do all relationships become sexless?

Not if we don’t want to!

Actually, a study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that aspects such as partner responsiveness to each others have an influence on sexual desire, especially for people with vulvas!

So, taking actions like being responsive to yourself, your partner or taking time as a couple can change what seems to be a natural path our bodies take.

In other words, we take our pleasure in our hands, we are the captain of our ships and can ride the sexual storms together!

How so?

Here are some initial ideas on how to take action to prevent your sex life from fading, and to keep sex in marriage hot and interesting!

Beat the routine.

Do not get us wrong. We all need routine in our lives, structure to our days and activities. However, there is another kind of routine that needs to be beaten, that is the one leading both of you to Netflix and chill every single night of the week, and stops you making real, intimate time for yourselves and each other. Believe us: the little things can kill the mood for sex. Start with little things like surprising them with sexy pjs, whispering sexy words in their ear unexpectedly, or introducing sexy accessories in bed.

Give value and attention to your partner.

With time, we all tend to give less attention to our partner. Beat this “sexophage” habit! It starts with simple actions such as putting your phone down when your beloved talks to you, adopting a supportive and positive attitude towards them and their projects, … Why not try slow sex, to slow down together and truly focus on each other?

Take time for yourself.

Re-ignite your sex drive by taking time to reconnect with sexuality. Lacking inspiration? Check these beautiful (and sexy) erotic art platforms:

kissing by @petitesluxures

Credits: @petitesluxures

legs by @ju.cako

Credits: @ju.cako

illustration of couple

Credits: @regards_coupables

Perfect to start a solo session all by yourself.

Take time for you two.

If you have children, send them somewhere (with someone responsible of course!) and consciously allocate time to your partner and yourself. That means not spending that time shopping for the house at Ikea but making it a quality moment.

And of course… spice things up in bed.

Ok, so you are finally both naked and full of desire. Now, hold on! Instead of rolling-up what has become your usual sex procedure (a standard series of positions -or maybe one single position?- you now use every time you have sex), it is the perfect opportunity to spice things up by trying something new. Too scared to deviate from your comfort zone? Or, just know that this position will guarantee an orgasm? Start with small things like lighting-up candles, using a fragrant oil, or just saying things you are not used to saying to your partner.

They say happiness is not granted, it is earned. Same for sex in marriage or long-term relationships. It needs work and attention. It does not have to be through big efforts, it is very often made through the small things.


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