The Female Orgasm: Myths and Truths

A sexologist clarifies for us some beliefs about the female orgasm

A sexologist clarifies for us some beliefs about the female orgasm

Even though research has jumped in recent years, human orgasm remains a mystery that feeds a lot of misconceptions… that are not always working for our pleasure. Here are some myths about the female orgasm, put to the test by a sexologist.

The female orgasm comes every time.

False. Neither women nor man climax every time they have sex. Orgasm is not an end in itself: what is fulfilling in the sexual intercourse is the whole journey, not just the destination. And actually, more often than not, the more we focus on having an orgasm, the less pleasure we get from the experience: being O-focused disconnects us from the present moment and keeps us from being conscious of our sensations.

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The big O is always big.

False. The female orgasm is not necessarily an explosion of sensations that makes you quake, cry, or lose consciousness. This kind of waves of intense pleasure is even rather rare. The orgasm can cause a pleasure with very variable intensity, from very strong to minimal, even non-existent. It is even possible that the “symptoms” of a physiological orgasm occur- uncontrolled vaginal contractions for the woman, ejaculation for the man – without necessarily feeling pleasure from it. To hope for the big O every time is wishful thinking, and even counterproductive: again, by focusing on the result rather than on the moment, you simply risk disconnecting yourself from your sensations.

Big O, together is better.

Perhaps. Climaxing at the same time as your partner is often experienced as a very intense experience. But it is very rare, as it requires a fine sexual communication, and a capacity for each partner to modulate their excitement. Seeking at all costs to climax together can therefore bring more frustration than satisfaction. But if by chance, you get to experience it, it’s definitely the icing on the cake!

The big O, it falls from the sky.

False. An orgasm is work! A woman needs on average a minimum of twenty minutes to reach a threshold of excitement conducive to orgasm. Foreplay are therefore very important. In addition, the more a woman knows herself, the easier her access to orgasm will be: by knowing what is good for her, she can guide her partner, and increase her threshold of excitement.

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Big O is easy to simulate.

True but so what? Simulating is, in fact, not a good idea. Misleading your partner to think you’re experiencing great pleasure when you’re not simply distorts communication. You partner will then tend to reproduce the same moves, since they seem to work on you. And the vicious circle closes: it becomes difficult to communicate to them that in fact, you would prefer something else. In bed, nothing like honesty if you want to be fulfilled.

And by the way, what is the definition of female orgasm?

The female orgasm is the physiological response to sexual arousal, at its maximum phase. To reach this seventh heaven, the woman goes through phases of excitement that goes crescendo until reaching a threshold where orgasm becomes possible.

Sexual arousal usually results in vaginal lubrication, lengthening and widening of the vagina, widening of the labia majora, enlargement of the labia minora and clitoris, which are filled with blood, and increasing the volume and hardening of the nipples. Physiologically, an orgasm is a series of rhythmic and involuntary contractions of the vaginal muscles that occur when the excitement reaches its apotheosis. These contractions may be accompanied by redness of the chest or neck, sweating, rapid heartbeat or breathing, and sometimes even tears.

Written by Charlotte Creplet, sex therapist at Sexocorner

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